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Derec Jones aka lit blogger, Skint Writer (blog now closed), aka publisher, author, artist, cook, poet etc has come up with yet another new initiative - the Opening Chapter blag. ...

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Lit Bits October

The golden days of Autumn are here and we have some solid gold events coming up.  Talk about something for everyone ...Emma Darwin is busy this month. On Thursday 8th ...

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Trucking Hell

How I Broke Bath, and Other Stories was not so much written as thrown together. I'd been writing Livejournal posts for some years, and for some reason amassed a readership ...

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Reviews
Amateur Transplants, refreshingly childish! PDF Print E-mail
Written by Gaz Hunter   
Saturday, 05 June 2010 12:01
Finally I get the chance to sit, without a headache, without a work deadline (apart from book 3, yes, I know, I will take some time off and get it finished!) and I can write a considered, non-fanboy report on the gig I went to see on Wednesday.

Having been a fan for some 5 years (having been exposed to the viral youtube event *London Undeground*) I had determined to actually see Amateur Transplants live. Finances, time constraints and more recently cancer treatment has made this tricky, but ealier this year Adam and Suman both contacted me to say they were performing in Birmingham, which was near enough to me that I could get out and see them!  Tickets were immediately purchased, and the countdown began...[1]

Wednesday June 2nd saw me heading to Birmingham and the Old Rep theatre, handily built to be next to Birmingham New Street Station. (It is possible I have the chronology arse-backwards there). So parking was only slightly a nightmare. No, really, I do so enjoy following the big white P sign round 13 turns, 4 crossroads, 1 level crossing and a canal, only to find myself heading the wrong way up a one way street, and passing what was clearly a carpark in the final throes of demolition!

Blind luck, satnav and prayers to the Great Pastafarian Flying Spaghetti Monster managed to find me a carpark that wasn't in pieces, with time to spare. And it was then that I discovered why the internationally accepted signage for a carpark is the large P. Because that is what the locals have on every landing of every starirwell on the place. The stink of *herbal tobacco* and piss is not the kind of welcoming miasma tourists want! Get a grip, Birmingham! You stand the risk of being mistaken for Coventry!

I had accidentally passed on a link to Amateur Transplants gigs to some friends of mine, and this had the effect of getting them as intrigued as I was. Three of them had therefore decided to attend the same performance, having already caught a show a few weeks earlier. My good lady was also making her way down from Bolton and I was trying to synchronise our arrival so we could sit together.

Timing, more Noodly Intervention and a headcold meant that we all met in WHSmith in the train station (it is an amazing jet-setting life I lead) and thence we headed for the theatre. Down a flight of stairs, one wall of which was being pissed on by a spliff-smoking local. Come on Brum! What kind of advert is that for incoming tourists?

Tickets presented, armbands given out, and off to the seating.

8pm and the houselights went down, the stage lights came up, and the two Amateurs presented themselves. Suman in a respectable suit, looking just like my own doctor, were he to be young, good looking, slim and asian, and not an elderly overweight scot... Adam was in a light cream number, and for some reason he reminded me of Dr Livingstone. Which is weird...

What followed was 45 minutes of shotgun comedy. It would be fair to say that CBBC would probably be advised to look elsewhere for entertainers...and this is one of the reasons I find their work fascinating on many levels.

Two doctors. Two young men. One recently married (congratulations again, Suman), both highly intelligent, socially aware, personally charming, dedicated, societal pillars, stood on stage singing *Willy bum poo* songs. The initial shock is wonderful, but you very quickly realise that in some of the songs there is a very strong social commentary.

You *also* realise that most of them are just *Willy bum poo* songs. And frankly I love that too :0) I envy the fact they can not only persuade 400+ adults to enter their world, but to laugh and applaud humour that is at its most simple a childs delight at being anarchistic. They shout at the world *We may be adults, but we can be childish, we can rejoice in being childish, and look, so can you!* And you'd be surprised at how cathartic it can be.

So. 45 minutes of this, followed by a break wherein I managed to buy merchandise, and then a further 45 minutes of fun, including a wonderful bit of audience participation and the shortest public romance I have erver seen *Hi Tom, in the blue shirt, in the second row*
Slightly disappointed here..I'd written a filk based on Rufus Wainright's Hallelujah   which I had hoped to pimp at them. But they already have a great version, after which mine palls into insignificance...I may try pimping the Viagra song at them though :)

Obviously the last song was *London Underground*, which seems to have become their anthem. I'm not sure they wanted, nor expected, the Audience Participation, but about 400 people decided that *I want my fucking money back*. Which made me grin.

The show was wonderfully scripted yet free-flowing. There were gaffes, both real and fake. There were asides both scripted and immediate. Adam and Suman seem to bounce off each other comedically to great effect, and more, they seem to like each other. Which is nice, and not as common in double acts as some people think.

For me one of the highlights was post-performance when we headed for the foyer, when Adam shot past yelling *'scuse me, sorry, sorry, 'scuse me* now dressed in a merchandise teeshirt. Both Doctors were signing at the front of the house, and I presented my CDs for signing. *It's you! It's Gaz Hunter! And you're not a 14 year old girl! I'm disappointed!* was Suman's response. I was touched that he had any idea who I was, given that he has a day job as an anaesthatist as well as the work and effort of the shows. I felt...special :0)

Moreso when Adam, having seen my name on the cd grabbed me and gave me a huge hug. One that got a round of applause from about 100 people who were still queueing for chats with the stars...

We hung around, and got to talk with both of them when it got quieter. I had promised both Adam and Suman a drink, and got my chance when Management didn't have the change for the Pepsi. Sorry, Suman, I know I said coffee, but it was the best I could do under the circumstances :)

So. Rounding up. Talented musicians, anarchistic childlike songwriters, piano,ukulele, saxaphone, trombone and Nasty Plastic recorder players...all Very Good Things. And incidentally two of the nicest people I have met, and would want to call friends.

Would I see them again? I not only would, I am going to.

Would I recommend them to you? Unless you are easily offended by bad language and a full-on assault on taste, then hell yes.

Did I have fun? Oh, dear Gods yes.

What was the worst part? Paying 9 quids to get my car out of what was essentially a public urinal!

And no, neither has bought my book yet!

Comments appreciated...I'm new at this reviewing lark...

[1] I had left a countdown on Twitter. Each day Amateur Transplants would be doing something new. Swan lake on Horseback. Discussing *Home trepanning for fun and profit*...turned out that they actually read and enjoyed them. I am humbled
 
Too Good to be True? PDF Print E-mail
Written by Beleaguered Squirrel   
Tuesday, 30 June 2009 09:20

I've just read - and enjoyed - Bete de Jour; Intimate Adventures of an Ugly Man. I've been following the blog for ages, and this is the most engaging blog-turned-book I've read. He reveals details he only hinted at online, and I was dying to know the truth. The writing, as on the blog, is a delight. He's erudite, ascerbic, funny. He has a turn of phrase to love (for the entertainment) and hate (because you're jealous).

The blog is called Bete de Jour. The blogger uses the name Stan Cattermole, and claims to have a face like a bag of elbows. Having suffered all his life from the label "ugly" - not least at the hands of his parents - on the eve of his 30th birthday he made a decision. He was fat and flat-bound, had never experienced a loving relationship and was determined to put things right. So he started a blog, and to a large extent it worked. It brought him sex, recognition, friends, confidence and a book deal. The book itself is a moving, self-aware, honest account of the whole experience.

But... there's a problem. It's been doing my head in, and here it is: I don't believe Stan Cattermole exists.

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Kissed By by Alexandra Chasin PDF Print E-mail
Written by Tania Hershman   
Sunday, 22 March 2009 11:07

 

 

The ideal reader of Alexandra Chasin's wonderful - and wonder-full - debut collection of "innovative fictions", Kissed By, is no slouch. He has work to do. She can't pass over a single word in a Chasin story, for to skip or skim would be to miss something vital. And yet at the same time, Chasin's reader has to approach many of her fictions in a similar way to a viewer looking at a Magic Eye picture: you have to relax focus so that the image will appear before you in all its glory. This sounds complicated. It's not. Just pay attention. If you do, you will be well rewarded. 

Chasin's stories are the sort to have terms like "experimental" or "meta-fiction" thrown at them, but I would rather not do that so as not to put anyone off. This is not "worthy" fiction that you "must read" because of the fact that it is "innovative". Let's just talk about the stories, of which there are 18 in this book published by FC2, the Fiction Collective 2, "an author-run, not-for-profit publisher of artistically adventurous, non-traditional fiction". 

In the first story, Kissed By, Chasin immediately signals that we are in non-traditional territory. The main character, it seems, is a figure in a painting, who is rather angry that the painter hasn't given him/her a face, and longs to be kissed. The opening paragraph is unsettling: "I began, as we all do, by wanting something. I began by wanting somebody, everybody, nobody, to know that I wanted something, but I hardly knew which."

Chasin often seems to be telling a story and, at the same time, talking about the telling of the story; neither interfere with the other. This, I think, is why it is necessary to pay attention and to relax focus simultaneously. If you think too hard about it all, this could have disastrous consequences. For example, in The Mystery of Which Mystery, the author is wondering about the kind of mystery the story needs, while bringing us the very story that needs the mystery, the love story of Leo and Lise. The added layer makes this fairly pedestrian plot more compelling, maybe more so to a writer who enjoys access to an author's machinations or pseudo-machinations! 

As with Lise Erdrich's collection, Night Train, there is a story here that could be seen as purporting to explain the writer and her process. In Composer and I, the narrator is a writer who is plagued by the Composer inside her head who wants to write all the time: "This is the bane of my existence. Since I was a teenager I have been afflicted with a narrator who offers - no, imposes - a running commentary on everything I hear, smell, touch, taste, feel, or do. This irrepressible composer mediates every last experience -  fights with my Dad in the great backyard, cityscapes in the dusk, hot sex, backgammon victories, losses in love, brushing my teeth, endlessly driving on roads, and cetera, ad infinitum." 

Maybe it is Chasin's own Composer who, in stories such as The Mystery of Which Mystery, insists not only on writing the story but on writing about the writing of the story. And after reading the whole collection, it appeared to me that perhaps the attempt to silence - or, at least, to distract - Composer for a while, might lie behind some of the most wacky of the fictions here. Such as They Come From Mars. An extract (in the same font as the original):

Then they walk pour flow ooze down town rows upon rows flow
folk from Mars rows upon rows like ants Dont obey when City
Hall says dont Then wewe spec they want fear they want TAKE
OVER TAKE OVER Wewe spec fear that what they want they want
from usus Come from Mars this flow ants that want what wewe
have rite here What Dont Mars have nice down town nice life

This is most definitely innovative, and requires much concentration, but the effect is not to simply hear about but to feel the rows of Martians marching, bearing down on you as you read, messing with your brain. It's more a sort of sensory bombardment than a short story.

There are some fictions whose innovation were wasted on this reader, such as ELENA=AGAIN. I am a frequent solver of cryptic crosswords, but after spending much time on this fiction, I failed to crack it. When it was originally published in DIAGRAM it was accompanied by a note: "As a rule, readers create a text in the moment that they read it; readers render a text meaningful in the very act of reading, regardless of the form of the text. This cryptogram is a formal experiment in pushing this axiom to its logical limit. It is an inquiry into readerly activity, whose results its putative writer will never know...paradoxically."

Toward Grammar of Guilt requires turning the page to read words written sideways down branches of a sort of family-tree-like structure. Clever. Yes. Also Kant Get Enough was basically just puns on philosopher's names, which was amusing but not much more. 

As someone who enjoys non-traditional fiction, I was surprised that the stories that I was taken with the most in this book are the ones that  are probably the closest to traditional, with just small twists in their fabric. In B., G., and I the narrator is torn between two lovers, one male and one female, B. and G., and is forced by them to decide on just one. Composer and I is also a straightforwardly-told tale. 

What comes through very clearly in this collection is an author who feels wondrously free from constraints, be they linguistic, grammatical, temporal, spatial. Chasin also seems to feel free not to be innovative, which to me is the greatest aspect of this collection: she does what she believes serves the story she is telling. And by doing so, she enriches our concepts of narrative. I look forward to reading much more of her work.

 

(First published in The Short Review - visit the site for an interview with the author and more reviews of short story collections!) 

 
Book Review: How Not to Write a Novel by Howard Mittelmark and Sandra Newman PDF Print E-mail
Written by Kate Harrison   
Saturday, 07 March 2009 16:28

 

Remember the teachers who scared you most at school?

There was probably a mildly sadistic P.E. instructor. Possibly a Maths teacher who enjoyed waving a protractor in a threatening manner. But the scariest of all used the sharpest weapon in the educational arsenal: sarcasm….

As a teaching tool, sarcasm has gone out of fashion. I lead creative writing workshops myself, and favour encouragement and positive critiques. The ‘feedback sandwich’, where we wrap any unpalatable criticism in two wholesome slices of kindness, is dish of the day in most lecture rooms.

So reading the first pages of How NOT to Write a Novel by Howard Mittelmark and Sandra Newman is quite a culture shock. The authors have chosen to use a combination of sarcasm and literary slapstick to illustrate the very worst mistakes a novelist can make. No aspect of the writerly ego is left unsavaged, no delusional narrative device is spared.

And guess what? It works brilliantly.

The premise of the book is expressed in the title – this book addresses the would-be author as though he or she is determined never to write a publishable book, and takes them through the kind of errors they might like to perfect to achieve this end result.

There are seven sections, beginning with advice on Plot (subtitled, helpfully, Not just a bunch of stuff that happens) , and ending with wisdom on How Not to Sell a Novel. The topics covered are similar to those in more conventional creative writing texts – Beginnings, Getting to Know Your Hero, Narrative Stance – but the tone is unique. So in the Beginnings section, the reader is introduced to different errors, like The Long Runway (in which a character’s childhood is recounted to no purpose) or The Gum on the Mantelpiece (in which the reader is unintentionally misled). Each of these mistakes – and there are two hundred of them – is illustrated by over-the-top examples written by the authors to make the effects crystal clear.

I read this book over the course of a week, and it made me laugh and wince in equal measure. I must admit it did become a little samey after a while, but perhaps it works best when you dip into chapters over a longer period. Certainly a look at the Complications and Pacing chapter while plotting, or the Sidekicks and Significant Others section while working on your characters, will remind most authors of the potential pitfalls. I’ve already identified my own weak spots…though I’m not about to share them here! I wouldn’t recommend this as a first book on writing, but as an alternative to the encouragement of Julia Cameron et al, it could be as invigorating as an icy shower on a hot morning. 

I’m always intrigued about the response to a book on amazon, where HNTWAN has received mixed reviews. One angry reader described it as ‘an intensely irritating smug book.’ I don’t agree, but certainly the tone will not be to everyone’s tastes. So I’d advise you take a look at the excerpt on the Penguin website before buying, to check the sarcasm won’t put you off.

But if you secretly appreciated the biting wit of your meanest teacher, and harbour a sneaking suspicion that you learned as much from cutting comments as you did from faint praise, then How NOT to Write a Novel could provide the tough love you’re looking for.

 

Review by Kate Harrison. Kate's website is at www.kate-harrison.com and she's currently working on her eighth novel, The Secret Shopper Unwrapped, and trying not to commit any of the sins contained in How Not to Write a Novel...

 

 
Alabama 3 - Manchester Academy, 26th April 2008 PDF Print E-mail
Written by Clare Sudbery   
Tuesday, 13 May 2008 12:52

We arrived at the Academy just as the crowd were doing that bunching-towards-the-front thing they do when the band comes on stage. There was that delicious feeling you get from a large space, excited people and thumping basslines. It’s a while since I’ve felt that. The baby appreciated it too and started dancing enthusiastically along.

Speaking of which, I’d been a bit trepidatious about my seven-months-pregnant ability to stay on my feet for a long time, and the barn-like Academy had even less seating than the last time I was there (as in, none at all). But I needn’t have worrried. The Alabama 3 have magical powers, and even hefty women with limited energy reserves can dance - have to dance - when they’re on stage.

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Winged with Death

My new book is due from Flambard on the 13th March. Titled Winged with Death, it is based in Montevideo in the seventies and in the North of England in the present day. Winged ...

News | John Baker | Thursday, 5 March 2009

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The Winged with Death Virtual Tour Detai

These are the details of the virtual tour for my new novel, Winged with Death:The Winged with Death Virtual Tour 2009Stops                    Tour Date                            Blog 01                         26th March                           The Inner Minx02                         31st March                           This Writing Life03                         2nd April                               Ken MacLeod04                         ...

News | John Baker | Thursday, 5 March 2009

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March Lit Bits

Some really exciting launches and events coming up (again!) this month!Elizabeth Baines reads from her collection of short stories 'Balancing on the Edge of the World' at Huddersfield Literature Festival, ...

News | Debi Alper | Tuesday, 3 March 2009

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February Lit Bits

Phew!  If January was a quiet month, then February more than makes up for it, with Bookarazzi members launching books left, right and ... well, here.Sally Hinchcliffe's psychological thriller Out ...

News | Debi Alper | Monday, 2 February 2009

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Ten Questions with Fiona Robyn

Fiona Robyn is a novelist who lives in rural Hampshire with her partner, cats and vegetable patch. She has too many blogs and spends too much time writing them.  Her debut novel ...

News | Fiona Robyn | Saturday, 24 January 2009

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Trucking Hell

How I Broke Bath, and Other Stories was not so much written as thrown together. I'd been writing Livejournal posts for some years, and for some reason amassed a readership ...

News | Bowen T Hunter | Friday, 23 January 2009

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